In Memory of Grandma Judy

"GrammaJ" left this world for the next on Monday afternoon, February 28.

We will miss her so very much.

Grandma Judy
1941-2011

Paradise

Rose decorated our front step with chalk on Tuesday after dinner.

Welcome to a house filled with fun!
Paradise at home

When I saw it, my first reaction was to think "Girl-child, have you forgotten how you and I were yanging at each other this morning over piano practice and homework?" You-just-don't-GET-it(sigh/eyeroll) vs. that-is-not-a-respectful-way-to-talk-to-your-mother, etc. Pre-teen fulminations from an 8-year-old mouth, impatient mama, eventually near-tears on both sides, this was not Garden of Eden stuff.

Then I realized -- she hadn't forgotten in the slightest. The sidewalk decoration was an oblique kiss-and-make-up.

I love you too, sweetheart!

Artifact from Another Era, Take 2

I mentioned a few posts ago that we had visited my mother's mother, my magnificent 100 year old grandmother, at Thanksgiving. It was an end-of-an-era kind of occasion, in that we helped with the packing to move from the retirement apartment, where she'd lived with my late grandfather for more than half my life, into a smaller assisted-living apartment.

Of course, when you make a move like that, there's lots of downsizing to be done. We helped with that too, sorting things to give away, things to discard, things to keep. In addition to the books and family photos that I knew were going to be coming home with us, we also provided a home for various keepsakes, usable kitchenware (we've already made jello from her cupboard in her casserole dish!) and other odds and ends.

Grandma has always been good at saving pretty paper things to use in making Valentines and decorations. We brought home several packets of long-saved paper doilies for art-projects at our place.

It wasn't until we got home that I got a peek at the back of one of those doily-packets. These weren't just ANY old paper doilies, let me tell you. No, these were Roylies. And they have astonishing super powers...


Here's the text, if you don't want to burn out your eyes looking too closely at the image on the screen:

Nothing wins a man more than feminine fastidiousness! Famous movie actors, writers, artists, bankers and bon vivants have oft said when interviewed that good grooming in a woman is far more important than good looks. And the pampered male is quite as particular about fastidiousness in his lady's habits as in her habit!

Next time your best beau (or your husband's boss, for that matter) comes to dinner, let lovely Roylies enhance your feminine graces. Slip a dainty Roylie under the cocktail glass or tomato bisque. Frame that layer cake you baked specially for the occasion in a large round Roylie. It will look twice as beautiful!

The most inaccessible bachelor in town is bound to melt under the appealing influence of feminine daintiness done in the Roylie manner. Roylies are such a help in so many ways, there's no reason why they shouldn't help you get your man!

Hey JoyDad? Sorry I didn't have the Roylies thing going on when we met. But you married me anyway. Next time your boss comes to dinner, though, and I've got my eye to climb the social ladder, I'll see how well these work... oh, right, she's female. Never mind.

Generation Gap

JoyDad and I had the privilege of attending Rose's 2nd/3rd grade music program at her school yesterday morning. The music teacher had built the program on the theme of "Mexico," connected to a social studies unit they'd all just finished. The entire show was bi-lingual, giving the Spanish-speakers a chance to shine and the English-speakers an exciting learning challenge. They even had a seasonal touch, a song from the tradition of "Las Posadas" which re-enacts the procession of Mary and Joseph from door to door in Bethlehem until they finally find shelter and welcome. It was very well done, and of course the sight of my first-born up there singing and moving so enthusiastically brought tears to my eyes!

After the program, I got a chance to visit Rose's classroom, something I've not been able to do this fall during school hours with all my LEND overload.

She'd talked several times about a certain little fellow whom we'll call "R" who sits near her and is apparently "in love" with her. When she speaks of him, I've thought I hear a sense of being flattered, but mostly buried under words of annoyance. Was looking forward to meeting the kid, and prepared to be kinda charmed -- puppy-love and all that, so cute!

And in her classroom I did meet R, and he is indeed a cutie, bright eyes and big smile and full of energy.

Then he spoke to me.

"Hey, are you Rose's grandma?"

GRANDMA?!?!

Rose, sweetie? Feel free to be annoyed. I won't discourage you in that stance, not one little bit!

Sisterly Generosity

Earlier this week Rose's school had one of those Scholastic Book Fair fundraiser things. I am a little ambivalent about how the kids come home with these carefully handwritten wish-lists that they've obviously done in class, but we've generally let Rose pick a book or two off her list to purchase, and chalked it up to community support.

The day of the book fair, Rose came charging home after school with a friend in tow. The friend had invited her to turn right around and go back to school with her mom for the book fair, and Rose really wanted to go NOW instead of have me take her later after Joy's therapy.

So I pulled out the lone twenty-dollar bill from my wallet, rehearsed with her which two books she wanted to buy, and got set to send her off.

And then she said, "Wait, I want to buy a board-book for Joy."

I didn't have any more money in the wallet, but before I could mention this, Rose had galloped off to her room and pulled out the box where she keeps her allowance. She counted out five dollars, which she was going to put in her bra-purse but I convinced her to take something that actually zipped up to keep the money safe!

Here's what she brought home for her sister:



Between the change from the twenty and her allowance money, she'd had exactly enough with just a couple of pennies to spare.

Joy likes her new gift very much. She's been carrying it around a lot, and this evening I had to make her hand it over so I could get her to the table for supper. She said something that JoyDad, the barista and I all agreed sounded very much like "book."

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P.S. Just so it doesn't sound like we've got Saint Rose here or something... you should have seen the power struggle we had over clothing yesterday. It was COLD yesterday morning, and Rose wanted to wear capris and sandals to school. I made her wear long pants and shoes, which wrecked piano practice and the rest of the morning's preparation. After warning her that I didn't want ANY complaints about cold on the way to school, I let her get away with wearing a light hoodie for a wrap. Sure enough, about 5 minutes into the walk, the lower lip sticks out:

I didn't knooooow it would be so cold! It's NOT MY FAULT!

Natural consequences are a real booger sometimes. Heh.

Say Hey, I Love You

Following up on yesterday's musings! This song makes me happy.

My mama told me, don't lose you, 'cause the best luck I had was you...



Seems like everywhere I go
The more I see, the less I know
But I know
One thing
I love you!

Listening With All My Heart

I was reminded this weekend of a poem by Shel Silverstein, from the book A Light in the Attic, about communication differences.



Here's the text if it's a little hard to read in the image:

Deaf Donald

Deaf Donald met Talkie Sue
But [signed: I Love You] was all he could do.
And Sue said, "Donald, I sure do like you."
But [signed: I Love You] was all he could do.
And Sue asked Donald, "Do you like me too?"
But [signed: I Love You] was all he could do.
"Good-bye then, Donald, I’m leaving you."
But [signed: I Love You] was all he did do.
And she left forever and she never knew
That [signed: I Love You] means I love you.

Talkie Sue may have been a talker, but she surely wasn't much of a listener.

After reading the latest from Rhemashope over at Autism in a Word (more on that later), I found myself trying to remember:

Did Joy ever say or echo anything resembling "I love you"?

It doesn't seem like something that one could possibly forget. But it's been SO long since we've heard those 80-some words that she used to speak, once upon a time. Among all the people who are working with her now, only Lynda at daycare and one of her school-district people have known her long enough to remember hearing her use words. Right now she has no spoken words at all, communicating via her photo cards when we ask her to, or her push-button when it's available, or the occasional "more" sign, but mostly just actions and glances and gestures.

I asked JoyDad, and he set me straight right away. "No, she never did." He had worked more deliberately than I to try to get an echo of "Love you!" back when there were more words floating about, and it just never came.

But here's what she DOES do:



When he goes to pick her up at daycare, she comes running up to him and gives him a great big hug, and sometimes even gives him a little pat-pat-pat on the back.

She gives kisses upon request, and sometimes initiates little puckery kissie-kissie motions.

And remember the Popeye Sighting?

It's no wonder I got confused about how I heard, or didn't hear, the "I love you" a year and a half ago or more. I've been hearing it a lot lately, listening with all my heart. It just hasn't been verbal.

Rhemashope didn't need to hear the words spoken either, but I'm surely rejoicing with her about what happened the other night at bedtime.

Someday. Someday.

Who Loves Joy?

Last night at Sunday School I got to fill in as Joy's volunteer aide for part of the session. She sat in my lap on the story-rug next to the three little pre-school guys (including her former day-care buddy) who are her classmates, while the teacher read Guess How Much I Love You, a board book by Sam McBratney in which Little Nut-Brown Hare and his father talk about how very much they love each other! Then we had a conversation about "who loves you?" The kids were finding it easier to think about "who do you love?" but the teacher managed to get some thoughts out of the guys about how their parents love them, and their siblings probably do too, etc.

Then it came Joy's turn and I gave her a great big hug in my lap, while asking the guys if they could think of who might possibly love Joy so very much.

They thought for a second and then Joy's former day-care buddy blurted out, "I love Joy!"

All together now: "Awwwwwww!"

And -- the lesson toward which we were working -- God loves her too. So very much.

All the way to the moon and back, in the words of the story.

And God loves her day-care buddy, and her classmates, and her mama, and her teacher...

And you, too.